After a Decade

I’m sorry.
I shouldn’t bring you here like this,
unannounced,
exposed—
where everything is reduced or inflated
by exaggeration.

Even you
will be distorted by this poem,
but I promise to paint you with all the pretty colors
this language allows
and still cover our lives
in camouflage.

I want you to know
that I am grateful for that
moment in the basement when
you shouted that married people have secret lives—
after you answered with honesty
a question I’d just asked.

It was then,
in the slaughterhouse of our union
I picked up my guts
and rearranged them
with my heart buried on the bottom
which is where it ought to have been hidden
all along.

I want you to know
that I am grateful now
that you never stepped into
my habitat of words—
I forgive you to the extent that you are sorry.
You’ve allowed me my own secret life
I didn’t know I wanted
or I’d need.

And here we are
holding hands on this white page
after a decade of maneuvering in and out
of the doors we chose to open to the other—
and I don’t peek anymore
into those rooms
you needed to close.

 

DeMaris Gaunt
6-27-13

 

 

 

 

Published by demarisgaunt

I currently live in Greenwood, Indiana. I love to listen to music, books on CD, podcasts or NPR as I work in my studio.  My favorite artists are Andrew Wyeth and Edward Hopper. I love poetry, but only the good stuff that isn’t so abstract I can’t understand it. Abstraction better lends itself to visual art, I think. Stephen Dunn is my favorite poet. He’s said just about anything that can be said about the inner workings of the heart and mind. My favorite novel is Atonement by Ian McEwan. My all time favorite band is The Cure. I love science, and anything that relates to how the mind works. I don’t believe in the supernatural. If I could meet anyone in the world, it would be Richard Dawkins or Steven Pinker. If you don’t buy my art or read my poetry, buy one of their books. It will enrich if not change your life.  My favorite things to do are hiking, kayaking and camping. My favorite food is so common, I’ll keep you in suspense (It starts with a P). I prefer chocolate to vanilla. Green is my favorite color. I have an aversion to planning or scheduling of any kind, and I live for spontaneous adventures! Telephone conversations make me anxious, and I avoid them at almost all cost. I had a happy childhood. I’m having a pretty fantastic adulthood. I have every intention of seeing my 100th birthday, after which I will happily relinquish my guts to the future of medicine. Cheers! ~DeMaris

One thought on “After a Decade

  1. “You’ve allowed me my own secret life
    I didn’t know I wanted
    or I’d need.”

    I think it was another one of your poems (and I’m paraphrasing the concept here) is that our greatest desire in an intimate relationship is to know and be known. Risky as hell. Doesn’t leave much room for individuality. But there it is.

    Like

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