I didn’t— but I almost did. No longer can I say with confidence “I would never…” because I know that I would have— could have— couldn’t have controlled myself, couldn’t have kept myself from letting it happen. But it didn’t happen, because the timing was wrong. All I can say is that now I knowContinue reading “Obscurities”


It was a lovely sound— all that autumn color crunching beneath my steps. At a broad glance, the sky was mottled gray but seemed bright white when I looked up through all those branches, mostly bare and trembling in the dark coat of their silhouettes. Two leaves caught my eye and caused me to pivotContinue reading “Metaphor”


For every question you never ask there is an honest answer waiting to be revealed. It may or may not lie at the bottom of an empty bottle of wine and it might not be high on that shelf in the shoebox full of old love letters you were never meant to find, but sometimesContinue reading “Timing”


We carved our pumpkins that dreadful night we learned how long we could expect you to exist in your current and only form. Inoperable was the word we didn’t want to hear and as we scooped out handfuls of that stringy pulp, we tried to focus on your joy instead of that small round patchContinue reading “Countdown”


Our small paychecks afford us a small vacation. Four days is all. Not even a week to leave behind our life as we know it. So how important it is to make it count— all those seconds accumulating into a few moments worth remembering! Even the last few miles are precious, and so the vibe,Continue reading “Returning”


The thing about ending your own life— or thinking about what it would look like, sound like, feel like— is that you’ve consumed already every crumb of sympathy and empathy and tolerance from your loved ones, and now their reserves are bone dry— and you’re to blame— and what it boils down to is thatContinue reading “Drowning”


You can cruise along for months if not years through the peaceful landscape of your daily life— greeting your loved one in the morning, touching them in loving and affectionate ways, talking and laughing easily for miles and miles until something breaks inexplicably in the system.  It’s the engine. Some tangle in the gears. AndContinue reading “Breaks”

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline ~ 1-800-273-TALK(8255)

You’ve memorized the phone number even though it’s only been three days since things went south— since it was made clear to you how much better things would be if only you were someone else. If only you didn’t cause so much embarrassment by posting so often on Facebook. If only you’d stop asking everyoneContinue reading “National Suicide Prevention Lifeline ~ 1-800-273-TALK(8255)”

The Great Escape

Some days some moments— (this day this moment) I am sober— I am usually so sober I am imploding silently— have imploded silently for so long I can’t make it anymore to that ledge— to that edge I know is out there— if only I could climb back to that ledge— to that edge IContinue reading “The Great Escape”

Metamorphosis, Evolution, Deconstruction – Call it Whatever the Fuck You Want

Metamorphosis, Evolution, Deconstruction – Call it Whatever the Fuck You Want You leave again and I watch as the pattern that forms around our union becomes prettier and softer like the hem of an old flannel shirt. It’s been years since we raised our voices in anger— when the color red seemed to paint theContinue reading “Metamorphosis, Evolution, Deconstruction – Call it Whatever the Fuck You Want”