Drowning

The thing about
ending your own life—
or thinking about
what it would look like, sound like,
feel like—
is that you’ve consumed already
every crumb of sympathy
and empathy
and tolerance
from your loved ones,
and now their reserves
are bone dry—
and you’re to blame—
and what it boils down to
is that you want too much
so you end up
sitting alone in a dark room
in front of the computer screen
that offers you a watery blue glow
and a connection to absolutely
everyone—
but no one in particular
would be alarmed
or interested in you
even if you sent out messages
that whispered
help me
I’m drowning…
And so the thing is—
you can’t do it.
You can’t become that brand
of public drama you despise.
But you want to.
You consider it.
You type it out.  Delete it.
You just want someone to notice
how deep you are, how only the tips
of your fingers are above the surface—
and every time
you scream for help
you take on a little more water.

DeMaris
10-21-15

Published by demarisgaunt

I currently live in Greenwood, Indiana. I love to listen to music, books on CD, podcasts or NPR as I work in my studio.  My favorite artists are Andrew Wyeth and Edward Hopper. I love poetry, but only the good stuff that isn’t so abstract I can’t understand it. Abstraction better lends itself to visual art, I think. Stephen Dunn is my favorite poet. He’s said just about anything that can be said about the inner workings of the heart and mind. My favorite novel is Atonement by Ian McEwan. My all time favorite band is The Cure. I love science, and anything that relates to how the mind works. I don’t believe in the supernatural. If I could meet anyone in the world, it would be Richard Dawkins or Steven Pinker. If you don’t buy my art or read my poetry, buy one of their books. It will enrich if not change your life.  My favorite things to do are hiking, kayaking and camping. My favorite food is so common, I’ll keep you in suspense (It starts with a P). I prefer chocolate to vanilla. Green is my favorite color. I have an aversion to planning or scheduling of any kind, and I live for spontaneous adventures! Telephone conversations make me anxious, and I avoid them at almost all cost. I had a happy childhood. I’m having a pretty fantastic adulthood. I have every intention of seeing my 100th birthday, after which I will happily relinquish my guts to the future of medicine. Cheers! ~DeMaris

3 thoughts on “Drowning

  1. It’s too sad and deeply moving to click “like.” I need one of those other emotions buttons Facebook is talking about, although I doubt they could come up with a suitable emoticon. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: