And I laughed and I laugheduntil there were tears—and I was smotheredwith happiness—but my mindwanted to remind meI had nothingto smile about,let alone laugh—and what about the factsthat won’t rest?The fact that a boytried to make me touch himwhen I was twelve—and the newsthat untied mewhen I was eighteen—that my motherwasn’t the only womanmy fatherContinue reading “Reassurance”

Grief, Stage Five

So this is the new lifecarved out of the old one—these new daysstill break openwith sunand the chill I look forward toevery year has returned.Nothing is differentexcept nowthere is no expectation—no date to look forward tothat will pass again into historyleaving me in despair.Hundreds of dayshave been like pocketsholding my hope—and the pleasure it broughtContinue reading “Grief, Stage Five”

Telling the Truth

The truth was a large albatrosswrapped in barbed wireuntangling in my chestand it started to choke meso what could I dobut reach into my throatpull it outthen spit into the innocent world  the small bleeding piecesthat didn’t come out clean ***** D9-19-2020

The Getaway

Hoteloldwallsthinmidnightmoonslices a white gashonto the floorloversin the roomnext to minesinga holy songif I didn’t know bettermight sound like painair conditionerkicks onswallowssoundfour pillowslined upagainst my bodylonelyruinedtransformedinto somethinghe will neverreturn to. ***** DeMaris9-11-2020 “Summer Interior” by Edward Hopper, 1909


I could saymeet me in MadisonI could name the time and placeI could saythere will be bananasand peanut butter sandwichesand avocadosand tequilaand I could saythere are two bedsqueensand a balconyoverlooking the Ohioand I could ask which beddo you want to sleep inand if you were bold enoughto travel that farI’d know your answer would be“yours”andContinue reading “Invitation”

All You Need to Know

I want you all to knowthat I am guiltyof loving the wrong man—one who is marriedunhappilyto the most pragmatic womanyou could ever hope to meet—That’s what he said.He said other things toolike, let’s go to a concertthis weekend, I won tickets.So we did—and we did other sneaky thingslike kiss in the art museumin front ofContinue reading “All You Need to Know”


Morning fog.Heavy,thick on the wet gray paththat is a ribbonunspooling before me—and he will be thereat the endlike a gift in the clearingwhere a spotlight of sunwill break throughand blue skies will appearas if he said to the gods,“I am one of you—give me the light.”And I will be the worshiperappearing out of the mist—adoringContinue reading “Anticipation”

What it’s like to Love Him

Imagine….no…that’s not right…Imagine…no…that’s not right either…Imaginewhat it would be liketo remove your heartfrom your chest…place it into the handsof the one you loveand watch as they walkinto another roomand come backempty-handedto tell youyou are the only onewho could bring happinessto this lonely lifethey have no intentionof trading infor you. ***** DeMaris9-1-2020 “Street in Venice” 1882,Continue reading “What it’s like to Love Him”