I am watching my mother’s feet tremble and squirm under the white cotton blanket listening to the rusty sound of her breathing thinking to myself, this is her wish— this is what she wanted— to live forever. And here I am in the goddamn hospital with a front row seat witnessing her eternity cut short hoping our collective pain won’t last much longer because the expression on her face is telling me she didn’t know she’d ever lose her voice her mobility or her mind when she was daydreaming of infinity— and I didn’t know how conflicted it was possible to feel as I hoped the next struggle for breath would be her last.
I currently live in Greenwood, Indiana. I love to listen to music, books on CD, podcasts or NPR as I work in my studio. My favorite artists are Andrew Wyeth and Edward Hopper. I love poetry, but only the good stuff that isn’t so abstract I can’t understand it. Abstraction better lends itself to visual art, I think. Stephen Dunn is my favorite poet. He’s said just about anything that can be said about the inner workings of the heart and mind. My favorite novel is Atonement by Ian McEwan. My all time favorite band is The Cure. I love science, and anything that relates to how the mind works. I don’t believe in the supernatural. If I could meet anyone in the world, it would be Richard Dawkins or Steven Pinker. If you don’t buy my art or read my poetry, buy one of their books. It will enrich if not change your life. My favorite things to do are hiking, kayaking and camping. My favorite food is so common, I’ll keep you in suspense (It starts with a P). I prefer chocolate to vanilla. Green is my favorite color. I have an aversion to planning or scheduling of any kind, and I live for spontaneous adventures! Telephone conversations make me anxious, and I avoid them at almost all cost. I had a happy childhood. I’m having a pretty fantastic adulthood. I have every intention of seeing my 100th birthday, after which I will happily relinquish my guts to the future of medicine.
Cheers! ~DeMaris
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2 thoughts on “Her Eternity”
Has your mother gone to her heavenly peace? I hate that you are having to go through this. My love and prayers are with you all. ❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏🙏
demarisspeaks 
Has your mother gone to her heavenly peace? I hate that you are having to go through this. My love and prayers are with you all. ❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏🙏
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Not yet. But she is close. The hospice nurses have told us it will be soon.
Thank you for your care. ❤
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