You can’t sleep when you’re suffering so you lay in the silent dark for a long time get up realize suffering has followed you into the kitchen pre-dawn darkness all around you except for the singular yellow glow of an old lamp that used to sit on the piano at your parents’ house when you were growing up— and there is nothing inside you that feels okay but there is comfort in the memory of the piano now gone— all those hours you practiced knowing your mom was probably suffering too, about something, but she tolerated the music that was not quite good, praised you anyway, encouraged you to keep practicing, to finish the song, to sing— and you’re trying so hard to pull something sharp out of your chest— something shaped like the silence of your mother which has impaled you with the knowledge you are an orphan suffering for the first time without her reassurance that you are doing a good job — that everything, somehow, will be okay.
DeMaris 6-15-2021
“Playing the Piano” by Ernest Higgins Rigg (1897 – 1932)
I currently live in Greenwood, Indiana. I love to listen to music, books on CD, podcasts or NPR as I work in my studio. My favorite artists are Andrew Wyeth and Edward Hopper. I love poetry, but only the good stuff that isn’t so abstract I can’t understand it. Abstraction better lends itself to visual art, I think. Stephen Dunn is my favorite poet. He’s said just about anything that can be said about the inner workings of the heart and mind. My favorite novel is Atonement by Ian McEwan. My all time favorite band is The Cure. I love science, and anything that relates to how the mind works. I don’t believe in the supernatural. If I could meet anyone in the world, it would be Richard Dawkins or Steven Pinker. If you don’t buy my art or read my poetry, buy one of their books. It will enrich if not change your life. My favorite things to do are hiking, kayaking and camping. My favorite food is so common, I’ll keep you in suspense (It starts with a P). I prefer chocolate to vanilla. Green is my favorite color. I have an aversion to planning or scheduling of any kind, and I live for spontaneous adventures! Telephone conversations make me anxious, and I avoid them at almost all cost. I had a happy childhood. I’m having a pretty fantastic adulthood. I have every intention of seeing my 100th birthday, after which I will happily relinquish my guts to the future of medicine.
Cheers! ~DeMaris
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