Unwanted Items

Daily, I rewind
wonder
what I didn’t do
or what I did
to cause this
total separation—
entire hours go by
my head on the pillow
reviewing
reliving
evaluating
absolutely everything—
and I think
maybe
I shouldn’t have said
I could be happy
living in a van
maybe
I shouldn’t have
talked so kindly
to the spiders
and the snakes
maybe
I shouldn’t have
spent so much time
walking in the woods
maybe
I shouldn’t have
left the lights on
that one time
when I was
four pounds away
from being overweight
maybe
it was my mouth—
the way I cursed
like a sailor
whose ship
was going down.
I’m sure
I wasn’t classy enough
or thin enough
and my eyes
were never painted
with makeup—
and I don’t think
he liked the way
I never wore
anything
that would call
for high heels—
and I am certain
his next girl
will wear mascara
and high heels
in the kitchen—
she’ll be exotic
and English will be
her second language
and she’ll have a masters
in French cuisine
and he’ll be enjoying
her beef bourguignon
on a future day
thanking
his lucky stars
he didn’t settle for me,
me,
who always
fumbled clumsily
in the kitchen
while I laughed
at his jokes
I didn’t always understand.
I think he got tired
of how much
I adored
and praised
and loved him—
I loved him.
And
I think
it was always
his intention
to love me
for a limited-time-only
as if my mind
and body
were a novelty
a special
two-for-one deal
with some kind of
money-back guarantee
if he wasn’t
fully satisfied—
he wasn’t
fully satisfied
so now
I have to go
back on the shelf
and everyone knows
once something
is taken out of the box
and used
it’s impossible
to get it back in.







DeMaris
8-9-2021

Painting of Helga, by Andrew Wyeth

Published by demarisgaunt

I currently live in Greenwood, Indiana. I love to listen to music, books on CD, podcasts or NPR as I work in my studio.  My favorite artists are Andrew Wyeth and Edward Hopper. I love poetry, but only the good stuff that isn’t so abstract I can’t understand it. Abstraction better lends itself to visual art, I think. Stephen Dunn is my favorite poet. He’s said just about anything that can be said about the inner workings of the heart and mind. My favorite novel is Atonement by Ian McEwan. My all time favorite band is The Cure. I love science, and anything that relates to how the mind works. I don’t believe in the supernatural. If I could meet anyone in the world, it would be Richard Dawkins or Steven Pinker. If you don’t buy my art or read my poetry, buy one of their books. It will enrich if not change your life.  My favorite things to do are hiking, kayaking and camping. My favorite food is so common, I’ll keep you in suspense (It starts with a P). I prefer chocolate to vanilla. Green is my favorite color. I have an aversion to planning or scheduling of any kind, and I live for spontaneous adventures! Telephone conversations make me anxious, and I avoid them at almost all cost. I had a happy childhood. I’m having a pretty fantastic adulthood. I have every intention of seeing my 100th birthday, after which I will happily relinquish my guts to the future of medicine. Cheers! ~DeMaris

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