Earth Day

I’ve come to tell you something about the earth something about this day the sun my god— MY GOD! the sun rose again and so did I— and how magnificent it is that I am a spectator of the goldfinch the nuthatch the Carolina wren—the song of life ringing in my ears— the vision ofContinue reading “Earth Day”

Oh, Ocean ~ Part II

Oh, Ocean ~ Part II As I walked toward you for our last evening stroll I started to feel the melancholy of saying goodbye. Our days passed so quickly didn’t they? I will miss the offerings you pushed onto the shore just for me— the broken, imperfect shells and sand dollars— you realized I likeContinue reading “Oh, Ocean ~ Part II”

Not Another Day

Yes I wanted you to die sooner than later because your life had been lived spent well and all you were was a body shrinking almost grotesque and you would have hated the way you looked the way you sounded when you took a breath you would have hated the intimacies necessary to keep youContinue reading “Not Another Day”

Otherwise

It will never be as clearas that black smokehow much relief was born that day,or in what form:the beatings finally over,the incurable sickness inoculated,the dull shame of loving the wrong genderforever buriedin the breakable steel. You must believe that marriagesheaded for ruinwere spared the public disgraceand the private divisions—the children blessedto be left with nothingtoContinue reading “Otherwise”

Love Poem to My Mother

We were alone for a little while in the bright white hospital room with the darkened sky peeking through the window. I wanted to tell you something you didn’t know— something I had forgotten to tell you— so I took your hand, soft, heavy with dying, into mine— asked you to remember all those nightsContinue reading “Love Poem to My Mother”

The Love Language of the Dead

Mercifully, before my mom passed away the hospice nurse told us what to expect— told us about the mottled skin, the damp swollen hands and feet, the unblinking eyes, open, the silence of apnea taking turns with the terrible death rattle— that predictive grand finale coming from the depths of her that sounded like LifeContinue reading “The Love Language of the Dead”

Her Eternity

I am watching my mother’s feet tremble and squirm under the white cotton blanket listening to the rusty sound of her breathing thinking to myself, this is her wish— this is what she wanted— to live forever. And here I am in the goddamn hospital with a front row seat witnessing her eternity cut shortContinue reading “Her Eternity”

The Summer of Dying

My mother died in June—the summer the cicadascame alive after seventeen yearsundergroundand tumbled out of the skylike enormous drops of rainsplattering on my windshieldas I drove home from the roomthat contained her for the last time,where I watched her disappearwithout grace.With indignity. She would have hatedwhat we witnessed, what we saw— the way death comesContinue reading “The Summer of Dying”

My Epistemology

Sometimes I feel clearopen wideready for the lesson of the dayto settle into my consciousnessand become a resourcefor the futurewhen I am confused againabout the how or why or whatof something or someonebut the truth is that no two lessonsare the sameso even though I have a reservoirdeep and wide and fullof instructions on howContinue reading “My Epistemology”