I Still Feel It

A little differently. A little less. This is how I love you now— now that time has made a fool of us, of me, of you, you, who loved me as completely as I loved you— but you couldn’t find a way to undo unravel untangle the bramble of every choice you made before yourContinue reading “I Still Feel It”

In the Afterlife

In the Afterlife Oh sure, life went on. Sometimes, even often, it was beautiful. There were curiosities explored, facts accumulated into knowledge of this or that— interesting things, after all, were the things he was always after. There were days yellow as daffodils— days so capacious he worshipped all their possibilities— and it made senseContinue reading “In the Afterlife”

My Best Damn-Good Advice

My Best Damn-Good Advice I believe now is the time when my experience and hard-won understanding permit me to say to the young: don’t ever ever under any circumstances fall in love and expect it to last survive look feel taste like the perfection you never believed you’d find. I assure you— love can surviveContinue reading “My Best Damn-Good Advice”

Pillar of Stone

Pillar of Stone Grief has set like concrete in my heart and there is nothing no one to soften what you made hard what you did was wicked cunning evil what you did was open me up fill me with the shape of your body then leave me with beautiful promises heavy as stones soContinue reading “Pillar of Stone”

Video Message, October 22, 2018

A 36-hour power outagehad ruined a fridge full of food—there was nothing to save,nothing that could be donebut have a little fun in the backyardwith the carton of eggs—“Bomb the garage!”might have been her ideaor suggested by her dad,who had the forethoughtto record and send me this evidencethat joy could come from loss—and years laterContinue reading “Video Message, October 22, 2018”

Pains

Todaythe ax came downinto the loggot stuckwouldn’t budgeso I placed my ungloved handlike a sacrificeupon its planeto steady the woodwhile I wiggled the ax loose—there was a slipa shocka split-second glimpseof white bonebefore the bloodturned everything red,and the painhadn’t yet comeas I walkedtoward the house I builtwith these two handsbut once insidethe trobbing demandedevery unhurtContinue reading “Pains”

The Night Comes Again

I open the daywith my eyeslooking for a placeto put my love. There is nothingbut the worldfull of wonderand terrible people. He and Inever talkedabout our ending—never saidto each other: “this is why…” Some thingsyou learnbecause someoneyou trustrefuses to teach you. Like the timeone of your parentsor bothwas so withdrawnthey didn’t noticethe bruiseson your arms.Continue reading “The Night Comes Again”

Hope, Illuminated, Lost

With each day’s passingthis hurt hurts less—becomes more clear.The lives we deconstructedin order to meet again and againwere never going to berearranged into perfection.I thought you were_____.You thought I was_____.Wrong about everythingis what we were.Hope—hope was supposed to be our glue.Was supposed to deliver usinto our ever-after.Was supposed to be the handreaching out to saveContinue reading “Hope, Illuminated, Lost”

Slowly

Slowlyis the way you forget loveeven though all-at-oncemight be your preferenceespecially if the forgettingmight save you months or yearsof living with somethingthat feels like painbut when you become awarethat the hurt is slowly diminishingthere is an inexplicable wishfor the healing to slow downto stop for a moment or twoso you can look back one lastContinue reading “Slowly”

Therapy Session

For the price of gasolineI drove my broken heart northto be examined by a friendwho has experiencein how to live through themand she fed me leftovers and wineplaced a kitten on my laplistened before she spokeand didn’t tell me what to doshe just asked if you brought me joyand I said more than I’d everContinue reading “Therapy Session”